


No Sound but the Wind

by eg03



Series: Outsider POV [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Claire Novak is a werewolf, Gen, M/M, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, POV Outsider, Trans Character, Trans Claire Novak, Transgender Claire Novak, Transgirl Claire Novak, because im not a pussy unlike the spn writers, cas is actually weird and creepy in this like an angel should be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eg03/pseuds/eg03
Summary: "I went to stay with Jody and Alex,” she started smiling, looking dreamily down into her cup, “they showed me family again. And Dean, Cas, even Sam… they’re family too. That’s why I’m here, we want to help people. Help kids. I mean, fuck, if it weren’t for Jody…”--Three (very weird) strangers move into Jayden's hometown. They leave it as family.
Relationships: Castiel & Claire Novak, Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Claire Novak & Dean Winchester
Series: Outsider POV [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069655
Kudos: 29





	No Sound but the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, no surprise here, but this is another unedited work. I just don't have the patience, as soon as I finish these fuckers I want them posted. Anyway, I might fix it up and add some stuff I skipped initially.
> 
> I'm planning on continuing this story. Sam n Jack aren’t in this one, but they’re not dead! I just didn't know what to do with them so I left em out. I have some ideas on how to include them in future chapters tho. In general a lot of ideas about where to take it, so let me know if y'all are interested in more chapters. This first chapter is well-rounded by itself, though, so don't worry about getting hung out to dry.
> 
> Title is from No Sound but the Wind by Editors (the Violence version).

Jayden had been a good, faithful kid growing up. Observed Sabbath every week, went to synagogue for rosh hashana, yom kippur, passover, the works. He thought he had a pretty solid relationship with the big G. He had never asked for much, and sure, he maybe didn’t pray as much as he should have, but he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The point is, he was used to leaning back on his faith for some level of comfort. And if ever there was a time to pray, it was now.

He sat at the dining room table as his sweaty, dirty hand was squeezed over Thursday night’s dinner. He watched the person he called his mother as she sat laughing over the mutilated body of his little sister. He watched his father sob across from him. He prayed for help, tears stinging the wounds on his face. He prayed for help, and he prayed for his family.

\--

If he was being honest, he hadn’t expected anything to happen. It’s not that he didn’t believe, it’s just… it was like a desperate last call. It wasn’t strategic, or thought out. He hadn’t been thinking. 

So, if he was being honest, when the strange man from the store appeared in his bedroom at one in the morning, glowing slightly in the dark, smelling like the air before a storm, blue eyes clear as day from the corner, he may have screamed.

He heard his Mom call, “Are you having fun without me?” and ignored it, heart thundering harder the longer the man stayed silent.

“What are you doing here?” He whisper-yelled. The man just tilted his head and walked closer. Jay leaned back, held up his hand, “woah… woah, okay, don’t- just-” But all he did was lean over and touch two fingers to his forehead. 

It was like ice shot through his veins, all pain and ecstacy and joy and sorrow. Tears spilled from his eyes, life filled his lungs, and he felt every single cell in his body moving; watched as they reformed, rebuilt, healed. And then it was over. 

He found himself speechless, staring up at the blue eyes and glowing skin and breathing in the electric air in quick, panicked breaths. Distantly, he heard the sound of footsteps and thumps pounding up the stairs, mashing with the sound of his father crying.

“Answering your call. Dean’s sitting outside, preparing the dev-.”

“You know Dean?”

\--

“Hey, Jayden, how was school?” His Mom asked, standing in the doorway against a dark, snowy winter sky. The warm light of the house made her smile glow as she kicked her feet on the mat and looked at him with sparkling eyes.

“Fine.” She snorted, rolled her eyes.

“Fine. Fine, fine, fine.” She walked over and ruffled his hair, picked some lint off his shirt, “Well, aren’t you gonna ask me about work?”

“Hey, Dad, how was work today?” He shouted down the hall, shooting his mom a mischievous glance. They both laughed at the crash, SHIT!, and I’m- it was okay!, that echoed back to them.

“I met two very strange gentlemen. I think I can win them on that old cottage a few miles out of town. They said they have a daughter…” He groaned at that.

“Alright. That’s my queue to leave for the store.” She snorted, ruffling his hair again before kissing his head.

“That’s my little bread-winner. Hey, maybe you’ll be able to buy a yacht with that five an hour.”

“Very funny.”

“Oh, that’s right, you only want _video games_.”

“Shut up, you’re the one who always plays them before I even get home.”

“Yeah, and I’m the one who crushes you in mario kart.”

“Yeah, and you also get crushed by an eight year old.”

“What does that say about you, darling?”

“That I have a life.” She laughed and winked as he walked out the door with a final,

“Bye, Dad! Bye, Mya!”

\--

The store was… the store. Weird knick-knacks scattered throughout the place, a few fridges full of drinks and other shit. Not a customer in sight this late, this time of the year. He was staring empty-eyed at his blank homework when the man walked in, trailed by a younger girl.

“Hey, kid, do you guys have any… um… industrial salt?” The girl snorted and rolled her eyes, whispering _smooth_ under her breath. He raised his eyebrow at them, looking between the two for a second before nodding slowly.

“Uh, I think so. We ordered a lot for winter, there should be some left. Let me just… check…” Something about the pair was off, they left him feeling unnerved. The girls eye’s were a deep golden-speckled blue, and they almost… glowed. The man just nodded. 

“Awesome, thanks.” The girl snorted again and mocked _awesome_ under her breath. The man huffed, “whatever, Jacob” earning a kick in the leg. It didn’t look very hard, but he shouted as he bent over, “Watch it! Jesus.” Jay left them to check the stock room for... industrial salt.

Ringing them up, he found he couldn’t stop watching the girl. Something about her made his hair stand on-end, his heart pound. It wasn’t just that she was hot, cause she was, and so was the guy, and that wasn’t helping, but there was something more. Something…

“Hey, kid,” the man snapped in front of his face, “eyes on me, ‘kay?”

“Oh my god, I could rip his heart out, he’s harmless.” The man pulled a face and pulled out his wallet. Jay didn’t realize he had stopped breathing until he caught the girls eyes again, when his body tried to stop breathing again. 

“Rip my heart out?”

“Figure of speech.” She winked as she said it.He laughed awkwardly. The man snorted.

“It’s really not. Wait is that pie?” The man pointed at the Miscelaneoused Fridges and walked over, and the girl leaned forward on the counter, watching him go.

“Ooo get me some. And a soda!”

“Sorry, what’s a soda? I don’t think they have that, I can get you pop, though.” She rolled her eyes and looked back at Jay.

“Are you trans?” He coughed, choked on his own spit, and then coughed some more. He’d gone on blockers when he was 12, started T at 16. There’s no way she should know. “Sorry, it’s not, like, obvious, I just have a… good sense of these things. I’m trans too, by the way.” He stuttered, felt the blush on his cheeks, before nodding and holding out his hand, and she took it, shaking it firmly.

“Hi trans, I’m Jay.” His voice wavered only slightly, a win in his book. She groaned and pulled her hand back. 

“You’re as bad as Dean.” She nodded back at the man, Dean, “So I’ll take that as a yes.” He sheepishly nodded, scratching the back of his neck. 

“So, uh, when did you… like, transition?” She swallowed, an unreadable look flashing behind her eyes for a second before it was replaced by the cocky, happy veneer the two seemed to share.

“‘Couple years after I moved in with my grandma. Just clothes and shit at first, but then, uh, you know… moved on to blockers and then later I managed to get progesterone and estrogen.” She was looking down at her worn shirt as she said it, fiddling with a stray strand.

“Oh. Cool.”

“Yeah.”

The man walked back over, two full-sized pies in hand, and a couple bottles of coke. He set them down and handed them over, along with a wad of cash.

“Uh… that’s a lot of money.”

“Thinking of stealing it?” He winked, and Jay did not blush. 

“N-no, I just meant, you know-”

“Relax, kid. I’ve stolen worse than that. And you are very clearly not the type.” He nodded down at Jay’s star wars tee with another wink, from both of them this time, accompanied by a snicker from the girl.

“Who says I’m not the type?” And yeah, he had to snort with them after he said it, because it's something he’d expect Mya to say.

“I’m sure you could steal a whole yacht if you put your mind to it. Reach for your dreams, and all that. Stay in school. Steal.” 

“Mhm, don’t forget to punch a cop.” The man laughed loudly at that and ruffled the girl's hair, and she kicked him again. Jay just looked at them with a dumb-founded, goofy smile. Who the fuck were these people?

“Uh, here’s your stuff.” He handed over the bag and bucket of salt.

“Thanks, kid.” They walked away, and the girl slid him a slip of paper with a wink. He blushed and read it:  
_don’t get the wrong idea, i love my girlfriend_  
_u seem cool tho. follow me_  
_@gaymrgrrrl69_  
He blushed some more, thought about how weird it was, and then followed her.

\--

“My M- Mom…” His voice cracked over the word, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. That couldn’t be her. He was whispering, the steps inching closer towards the door, mockingly slow.

“We’re going to try and save her, Jayden.”

“Oh, look at that. Daddy’s last little light just went out,” a thump, a loud one, and the sound of something falling down the stairs… cracking as it went, “looks like that just leaves you!”

“Hey, you stupid bitch! Is that the best you can do, throw some guy down the stairs and cut up a little girl? Torturing in hell for thousands of years and that’s the best you’ve got?” 

“Is that Claire?” The man nodded, stepping around his bed so he stood between Jay and the door. “No, no, no, you don’t- she can’t… it’s strong it- she’ll get killed, she-” The man put a hand up and leaned forward.

“She can handle it, she’s only drawing it out of the house.”

“Why?”

\--

Jay had always liked blizzards. When he was a kid, he and his mom (and eventually Mya) would sit on the window sill clutching hot cocoa drawing on the frosted windows, watching the sheets of white blow past like magic. His dad would be singing in the background as he made dinner, and then come over and wrap his arms around them both. Pulling him into his lap as the smell of home cooking filled the house. The next morning he would always go out and build snowmen and igloos, and eventually he taught Mya to do the same. 

So when he saw the storm clouds edging the horizon, pressing in against the white-shining sunlight slowly dipping under the horizon, he smiled. It was going to be another beautiful storm for their family. 

It hadn’t started coming down yet when the man from before, Dean, sauntered into the store and straight up to the counter.

“Heya, kid. How’d you like to make some cash?” Jay looked at him, and his confusion must have been clear, cause the man winced before starting again, “I mean, we need help moving some boxes, cause our family can’t make it out in this,” he pointed to the window behind him, “and you’re, like, the only person Cl- we’ve really met yet. And you’re, what, seventeen? Teenagers always need money, so.”

“Uhh…” Jay blinked a few times, trying to clear his mind, “will Claire be there?” Dean laughed as soon as he said it.

“Yeah, just me and her, Cas’s busy doing… shit out of town, so. But, kid, you should know, she has a girlfriend.”

“No. Yeah. I know, she- she told me.”

“Great, can you come by Monday afternoon, then?”

“How much?” Another laugh.

“However much you want.”

“Uhm, yeah, okay.”

“Awesome. Claire said she can send you the address?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah.”

“Alright, see you then.” He turned, and paused for a second, looking back at him, “Do you smell that?” 

“Smell what?” Dean’s whole demeanor had changed. He looked scared, rigid. His eyes were sweeping everywhere but Jay with a fiery look. After a second, he just shook his head.

“Nothin’. See ya, kid.” And with that he sauntered right back out of the store, leaving a very confused Jay behind him.

\--

The door opened after his first knock, his fist still hanging in the air. He had about three seconds to see Dean standing there before he felt water (very cold water) splash into his face.

“What the hell was that for?” Dean looked at him closely, with that same rigid expression he left the store with. After Jay wiped the water off with his sleeve, though, it fell away and was replaced with the usual grin.

“Uh. Sorry. Thought you were someone else, come on in.” He stood there, glancing between Dean’s face and the house behind him, before he sighed, thought fuck it, and stepped in. “Claire’s out on an errand, should be back any minute. Make yerself at home. Uh, can I get you a beer or- no, not that, how about some coke?” He left the room without waiting for a reply.

“Why not.” He said to the empty room. It seemed normal enough, until he noticed a slight shimmer in the walls. He moved closer, dropping his bag on the floor and leaning forward. It was… clear paint. Not everywhere, though, in strange shapes all over the wall. He tried tracing one, and as he did he felt his hairs stand on end. Something passed through him. It was completely meaningless to him, but there was just something about it that seemed to… look at him. The sound of the door banging open and shut shook his attention with a jump.

“I looked into what you said, didn’t see any signs of demonic activity nearby. Unless you count the blizzard, but that’s par for the course around here. You sure it was sulfur? ‘Cause…” Her words faltered as they locked eyes. Her eyes still seemed to glow, even in this light. And demonic activity? “Jay!”

“Good. You’re back. We’ll, uh, discuss that later, for now let’s start unloading this bitch.” Dean said, walking back in the room with three red cans. Jay took one with wide eyes, and tried to ignore the strangeness of the pair. That was probably for the best.

They made quick work of the truck. There wasn’t much to move, and most of it was taken up by furniture. There were a lot of… weird boxes, though. Sometimes he would pick one up, get overwhelmed with fear, freeze, and then quickly have it plucked away from him by Dean or Claire. 

At one point, he swore a tooth fell out of one of the boxes. Not, like, a human tooth, but like… a shark or a tiger or something. It was stained brown and yellow. Dean had just picked it up, dusted it off, and shoved it in his pocket like it was nothing.

It was probably best to ignore it.

He stayed for a while after they finished, Dean promising to cook cajun catfish with tater tots. They all got together in the kitchen, Claire and Jay helping Dean prepare the food. Helping might not be the best word, though, because after a while Dean told them to fuck off while he finished. So they went to play on Claire’s PlayStation. 

“Do you have a dog or something?” She rounded on him with wide eyes.

“What? Why do you ask that?” He looked pointedly at the floor, chair, bed… all covered in hair with a distinctly dog-like smell.

“The hair…”

“Oh. No, uh. That’s- it’s just… a girl thing.” She cringed as soon as she said it, but he just nodded and sat down. Better to ignore it.

The thing is, Jay didn’t have very many friends. Being trans and black and jewish and a huge fucking nerd in the middle of a buttfuck nowhere will do that to a guy. And this… this seemed almost too good to be true. It was the best time he’d had without his family in years. So sure: dog hair without a dog, giant teeth, horrifying boxes, weird invisible symbols, water in your face… it was all weird, but he could ignore it.

Eventually, Dean called them over to eat. It was almost annoyingly delicious, given Dean’s smug grin when Jay took his first bite.

“Good?”

“It’s fine.” Claire barked a laugh at that, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“You’re damn right it’s fine.” As he pointed his fork, Jay noticed the band around his finger for the first time.

“You have a wife?” That got both of them laughing, and their laughter made him laugh.  
“Uh, sure. Yeah. Cas.” Claire kept snickering as she shoveled more food into her mouth. Wasn’t that her third fillet? He asked as much, and she just shrugged and smiled around a mouthful of tater tots. 

They ate and talked for a while, time flying by as they did. When his mom called after his third helping and told him to come home, he found that he didn’t want to leave. That small, little thought- not even a thought, really, more a feeling- that small little feeling would be the seed of guilt that would soon bloom to its full glory, and consume him.

\--

He met the strange man the same day his mom changed. He had been working at the store after school, as usual (if only a bit more sore), when all of the lights started flickering, making him look up. They stopped almost as soon as he did, and his eyes landed on the very serious, very messy looking man in a trench coat. He stood just inside the door, looking around intensely. Like he was judging it. He stood there for a full minute before walking straight up to Jay.

“You are Jayden?” His voice was deep, almost like he was sick. It rolled like a wave, bigger than what you saw. Jay gulped.

“Uhh… do I know you?”

“No.” He looked even more closely at Jay, somehow, and then a forced, uncomfortable smile stretched across his face for three horrible, horrible seconds before he gave up on it.

“Okay… uh, do you- can I, like, help you with something?” He squinted and leaned in closer. Their eyes were locked, and Jay felt something surging through him. Something light and dark and powerful and gentle and cruel and merciful as the man’s eyes bore into his own.

“Claire enjoys your presence.” He had no idea what the hell was going on. His heart was hammering, he could hear it in his ears, his palms sweating, mouth dry. “You bring her joy and friendship at a time she very much needs it. Thank you.”

“What?” He looked sheepish, then, and stood up straight, dropping Jay out of his trance as he looked away, like he was embarrassed.

“Uhm… have a nice day.” And then he walked straight back out. One of the vases on the shelf near the door shattered as he stepped out.

\--

As soon as he walked through the door, he knew something was wrong. The smell of iron and old eggs filled the air, silence heavy. He flicked on the hall light, but it just buzzed and flickered a few times before going dark. 

Shrugging off his coat and boots, he quietly slipped towards the living room. Why he was quiet, he didn’t know, but it felt… necessary. There was a wrongness seeping its way into his bones, filling his veins, flowing through his lungs. Wrong, wrong, wrong. His skin crawled with it.

The darkness coated everything when he stepped into the living room. Unnaturally dark, even without the lights. There was this… sound. Like wet squeezing, with the occasional crack or pop. Holding his breath, he waited for his eyes to adjust. As they did, he could make out what looked like two forms merged into one. Someone laying on the floor beneath someone crouching down, bobbing up and down.

“M- mom?”

The sound stopped, silence deafening as the figure slowly grew taller and taller, rising in the void of black. It just stood there, for a long time, staring back at Jay as he, whole body shaking, skin crawling, stared back at it. There was a name for the feeling that thing gave him, somewhere deep in the back of his mind. He couldn’t reach it through the cloud of fear as it just… stood. Just stood. All at once, it was rushing forwards. He didn’t have to scream before it grabbed him and all at once the darkness lifted. 

Looking into the void-black eyes of his mother, he felt that feeling in waves. Evil. That’s what it was called. He saw the blood dripping from her cheeks twisted into a wicked grin, flesh cracking like it was glass. He saw the flesh stuck between her teeth. Behind her, he saw the torn-apart body of his sister. Laying still in a sea of red.

“Welcome home, sweetie!”

\--

“Who- what’s your name.” Jay looked at the back of the other man, standing in front of the door. He was rigid, terrifying in an unexplainable way. Like a soldier. He didn’t turn when he answered.

“Castiel,” He breathed in, then, and turned back towards Jay, face softer (thought not soft), “but you can call me Cas.”

“Cas… Cas, like, Dean’s wife, Cas?” The awkward twitch and pull of the other man’s mouth on anyone else would be a bad sign, but Jay was pretty sure that was him laughing. 

“Husband. Yes.” Jay nodded and leaned back, shaking. There were still occasional bangs, thumps coming from downstairs. When an inhuman, blood curdling scream rolled through the air, he jumped up. Cas put a hand on a shoulder, next to him in a blink.

“Stay here.”

“No, don’t-” but he was speaking to the air.

He heard the back door slam. Once. Twice. He paced back and forth, shaking his hands in front of him. One. Two. Three, lost as he ran out of his bedroom and ran down the stairs towards the back.

“Tell me again why you can’t just… angel this fucker?”

“We want to keep the woman alive, yes? My grace would burn her from the inside out as it eradicated the demon. If she didn’t die immediately, she would die shortly after from radiation poisoning, if n-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. The old fashioned way, then.” The man- Cas- nodded at Dean. Jay stood shivering in the frame of the back door, staring at his mother as she writhed, twisted unnaturally on the ground in the middle of a strange symbol. The feeling hadn’t left him since he stepped into the house, but it came over him in waves now. He fell to his knees.

“Guys!” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw as the two men looked up at Claire, and then turned to him.

“I told you to stay there.”

“Cas.”

“What? I did.” Dean walked over to him, then, putting Cas’ shoulder on his way. 

“Jay? Jay.” Leaning in front of him, Jay had to tilt to keep his eyes on his mom, “hey. Hey.” Dean forced his head towards him, “eyes on me. Not her. Listen to me, okay, Jay?” Feeling the tears start to pool, he shook his head. No. No. He couldn’t listen to anything but the monstrous shrieks and cracking and growling coming from his mom. The sound of his dad’s body as it toppled down the stairs. The sound of his sister-

“Jay! Look at me. Only look at me. That thing?” he pointed behind, “that is not your mom. We’re going to take it out of her, and we’re going to do everything we can to keep her alive. Okay?” Jay shook his head. Kept shaking it, even when Dean stood both of them up and started pulling him into the house, kept shaking it as he was crushed in the man’s arms. Dean was shaking, now, too. Grip tight.

“Jay, I- I am gonna save your mom. I won’t- I won’t let her die. You need to stay here and let me do that, though, okay? Please.” Jay stopped shaking his head, but he didn’t move. He felt Dean nod. “Okay. Claire will wait with you in your room.” 

He stood there as Claire came over, silent as she pulled him away from his mom, past his dad, past his sister, and back up to his room. 

He stood there silent as Claire put a hand on his shoulder. 

He stood there silent as he heard the screams grow louder, more painful- more pained. He stood there when it all stopped. 

He stood in the back door, staring at his motionless mother on the ground.

“Mom?” He started walking towards her.

“Jay…” he shook Claire off, pushing forward.

“Jay.” Dean stepped towards him, but didn’t stop him. He walked faster.

“Jay-” he shoved Cas out of the way (sure that it was only because Cas let him).

_“Jay!” Soft hands carded through his hair, pressing the back of his head into her big tummy, “How’s my little baby boy today?” He rolled his eyes._

_“‘M not a baby.”_

_“Yeah, Aurelia, he’s not a baby!” His daddy’s voice sounded like the sweetest piano, that’s what she always said._

_“Well, that makes one of you, Fred.” The deepness of his daddy’s belly laugh rolled through him, and Jay looked up into his mom’s eyes, his own hard and determined._

_“See? Daddy said so. Not a baby.” He crossed his arms raising his eyebrow. Or trying to. He’d been practicing in the mirror._

_“Not a baby. Not a girl. Jay for Jayden. Any other important news to share with us today?”_

_“I’m hungry.” Both his parents laughed, and he couldn’t get mad at it. He tried to hide his grin, but gave up when his daddy pulled him up into his arms with a groan._

_“That’s my boy.” And when his mom started tickling him, he couldn’t hold back his laughter, either._

_“We love you, our little grown up boy.” He frowned, shoving her hands away but still laughing._

_“I’m not little, either.” She nodded with a glint in her eyes, “Love you, too, Mommy.”_

“Mom?” Dropping on his knees next to her, not knowing what to do with his hands, his body shook with suppressed sobs. There was blood and black dust and- she was stiff. Slowly, so slowly, he pushed his hands towards her. Felt cold skin. 

“Mom. Wake up,” he started to shake her, “Mama. Mom! Wake up!” He started to pull her into his arms, straightening her clothes (she hated wrinkles), pushing hair out of her eyes (it was always falling in her face), and pulled her into his arms. Rocking back and forth.

“Mom, please.” Behind him, he heard someone walk over and lean down next to him, felt their hand land on his shoulder. He flinched away and buried his head in her hair.

“Mommy! Please. Please wake up, don’t- don’t leave me. Please. Please. I love you, Mama, please, please wake up.” He kept rocking her, holding tighter and tighter. His words broke apart, stopped carrying meaning. They morphed into a long, broken string of shaped sobs as he kept shaking her. Pleading with her to come back. Come back to him.

Snow started to fall from the sky, and he held her closer.

\--

When he woke up the next morning, caught in a fog of unreality, he found himself in bed one minute, standing in the backyard the next. Staring at that spot. It was early, earlier than the sun. The snow stung his feet.

“Hey.” He sighed through his nose. Didn’t turn to see her watching him, somewhere to the side on the patio. 

“I’m not gonna waste time with the pleasantries, or the… asking how you are bullshit. I know how you are, and it’s shitty. I do know that you don’t want to think about it, or talk, so I’m going to tell you a little about myself. This is rare, so you should be proud,” she laughed dryly, pausing her rambling for a moment. He still didn’t acknowledge her, but he did sit down on the snow. He could feel her eyes. 

“My dad… um, he. Well, basically, he was possessed. Ran away from home one day, we- my mom and I- we didn’t know… we thought he just…” she breathed heavily, laughed again, “he came back one day with an a- a uhm- a passenger. On board.” She cleared her throat. He risked a small glance out of the corner of his eye, and saw she was looking in the other direction, leg bouncing silently in the snow.

“Anyway, to make a long story short, he was pretty much gone and dead, I got possesed for a hot second, and my mom…” She paused again, laughed after a second again, sighed. “I went to stay with my grandma but she… uh, she died. And I just- just couldn’t take it. It was hard enough stuck there, her trying to make my life normal when it- it couldn’t ever…” another sigh, “I guess you could say a part of me died, too.” another laugh.

“God, that’s dramatic. I just mean… I couldn’t- couldn’t grow up like a kid after that. Couldn’t be a normal kid- a normal person after something like that.” He glanced over when she was quiet for longer than usual, and saw her down the entire cup of hot chocolate (was that hot chocolate?) in one chug.

“I was a little brat. Dean and- and Cas, they found me one day and I just… couldn’t. I hated them for killing my dad,” he looked up at that, catching her eyes. She nodded, a sad look on her face, “yeah, uh. They were there for me, too. Only they weren’t. Anyway, um, I went to stay with Jody and my Alex,” she started smiling, looking dreamily down into her cup, “they showed me family again. And Dean, Cas, even Sam… they’re family too. That’s why I’m here, we want to help people. Help kids. I mean, fuck, if it weren’t for Jody…” She sighed again.

“I want to help people. People like you. I know you’re angry, and in pain, and whatever other million things, but you have a place with us. Or- you know, we can find you a place that hurts less. And don’t, uh, don’t blame them. They really did try and- I mean, we all…” One last sigh, “I’m sorry, Jay.” They were both silent after that. Neither moved, though. After a while he sighed and turned to face her.

“It’s not okay. Obviously. But maybe.”

“Maybe…?” He didn’t explain, just stood and walked back into the house, stumbling straight back into bed.

\--

They all gave him space. He knew he couldn’t exactly up and leave, they would stop him, but he also knew he wasn’t being held captive. Apparently they had decided it was best if he “went missing.” It would spare him talking to the police, reporters… everything else. He could just… disappear.

And that’s just what he did. He faded into the blank, empty room they assigned him and disappeared into the pit of the bed. And they gave him space.

Claire would help him, though. Come in as soon as his breathing started to hitch, as soon as he woke in the middle of the night, and just sat there with him. Sometimes telling him about different monsters she’s killed, sometimes talking about her family, sometimes talking about TV, sometimes saying nothing. Just sitting there. She never addressed it, never asked him if he needed her. She just did it. 

Cas left food outside his door three times a day. The first week, he’d hauled in an armful of snacks with a completely lost look in his eyes as he poured them onto the bed. Jay had laughed at that, and Cas smiled. The snacks were pushed to the corner, untouched for a few days until he could force himself to eat again.

He never saw Dean, though. Sure, a glimpse here and there in the hallway, but nothing more than a nod. Jay was pretty sure he cooked all the food. Somehow, whenever he mentioned to Claire something he liked, it showed up outside his door in Cas’ arms the next day. And he was pretty sure the HRT supplies he found sitting on his bed were from Dean, too. If he were being honest with himself, he was glad for the space. A part of him blamed Dean for his mother’s death. The last of his family. Gone.

So, when Dean asked him if he wanted to learn how to drive his car, Jay was shocked enough that he just nodded yes without thinking. That’s how he found himself sitting behind the wheel, on the side of a road, in the middle of nowhere, with a very confused man next to him.

“Do you need a bathroom break, or something, kid?” Jay closed his eyes, squeezed the wheel, breathed in then out then in then out. Calmly, he unbuckled, stepped out of the car, walked to the frozen grass lining the frosted tar, and puked. Dean was at his side at an instant, hand on his back, offering him water.

It was all too much. He shoved the man away. Then shoved him again. Then screamed. He screamed out into the air until his throat was raw, screamed so hard the pain in his throat hid the feeling of tears cascading down his face. When he stopped screaming, he turned back towards Dean, and charged.

The other man took his hits easily, letting each pathetic blow land on his chest, his arm, without a word. He knew he was weak from how little he’d eaten the past few weeks. He knew he looked like a toddler throwing a tantrum. But he didn’t care. He just kept crying, kept hitting. Eventually, Dean got hold of his wrists and pulled him into a hug. He just kept crying. And maybe he heard a few sniffles, felt a few tears fall off of Dean, too.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.” Jay just kept sobbing, putting his full weight into him now. “You’re gonna be okay.”

\--

Neither of them said anything as they got back into the car, Dean driving them off into the cloudy afternoon. They wound up in a Checker’s parking lot, stuffing fast food into their faces silently.

“I lost my mom to a demon when I was five.” Jay looked up, cheeks puffed with fries. Dean was looking at him closely, open. He didn’t need to be told this was something rare.

“My dad went crazy, dragging me and Sammy across the country looking for her. I took care of him, took care of myself. And I killed that son of a bitch demon, too.” He sighed, laughing sadly.

“Kid, you have every right to blame me. Hell, I blame myself.” He sighed again, shaking his near-empty cup, “I don’t need you to forgive me. But I do need you to listen to me: don’t let yourself be ruined by this. I already made that mistake; Sam, Claire, Cas, every damn hunter you’ll ever meet made that mistake. I can keep you safe from monsters, but I can’t keep you safe from yourself. Unless you let me. Or someone. Anyone.” He paused, letting Jay absorb his words, and finished off his burger with a lick of his fingers and a last, loud sip of pop.

“We- Claire, Cas, and I- we can stay here, find you a home with someone else who knows the hunting world. Or, we can move, and you can stay with us. It’s too painful for you to stay in this town, we both know that. And God knows I won’t force you to stay around me. So, it’s up to you.” Jay looked at him, and started crying again. He turned to look out the window. Dean pulled out of the lot and drove towards the cottage.

They were pulling into the driveway when Jay finally responded.

“I’ll stay. But I want to- to kill monsters. Like Claire told me about.”

Dean looked at him sadly, almost resigned, but still with a soft grin on his face. He clapped his shoulder before stepping out of the car.

“I’ll start looking for a new place.”

Jay lingered in the front for a bit, watching birds jump from tree to tree in the drowning light of the sun. His heart burned, his stomach bled, but for the first time in weeks he felt like he had a tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr is gothchester


End file.
